Wednesday, April 21, 2010
BACK ON TRACK
In the recent months I have fallen off track a little bit and let outside distractions lead me away from my goals and ideas. Today is the day I get back on that horse and GET RIGHT. Ive let a a lot of frivolous factors affect my judgement and strayed from my true self. I am making a lot of changes in my life for the better. There is so much I want to do, try, ACHIEVE. I made myself a sort of bucket list but I wll try to start crossing things off my list far before I “kick the bucket” so to speak. On the top of my list I would really like to start with myself. Changing who I am for the better. I like to think of myself as a good moral person but sometimes I catch myself doing things that are less than kind subconsciously or consciously to others and to myself. I think the first step was realizing this about myself. Now I am making a conscious effort to be a better person, inside and out. We will see how that pans out since I tend to be a bit moody and mean at times. But I think being better outwardly will make me be better inwardly(if that’s a word) and vice a versa.
I am also looking into becoming a vegetarian. Not only for my health but for the betterment of the environment, moral issues, etc. My ultimate goal is vegan.
Another wish of mine is find my own little home. A place where I can belong, to something, to me. I crave stability and security. I never had that as a kid. If I have to do it alone, so be it. I am coming to terms with being single. I had always lived for that partner but nobody ever lived for me. Its time for Mandy to live for herself on her own terms. That’s a whole other story…not for today. Haha
I also want to go to school. Really go to school and stick with it. If Im going to stay single for an extended period. Not even that really. I want to be self sufficient and independent for myself.
These are just the first most important to do’s for me. Plus I really want to lose weight. At least 20-25 lbs. I know I can do it. Ive done it before. I can do it again. I just have to really put my mind to it. “set goals and you can achieve them.” –jay z
Anything is possible. Ive been able to conquer several “addictions” in the past and these seemed harder than this so I know I can do it. Its just a matter of really setting my mind to it but I know I have the determination now I just need to get it in gear.
Starting today no more fast food, workouts everyday, no more beer! Also no more milk which oh my god gonna be probably the hardest thing I will ever do to date. Milk is my favorite drink in the world. I drink it with EVERYTHING, its rather disgusting but the taste just does something chemically to my brain. Seriously. But I think I can do it because I was a serious nail biter for my entire life, could never stop and one day quit cold turkey. I think Im better at quitting things cold turkey than gradually. That’s how Im going to do it with milk. But I do have half a gallon left so I think I am going to finish that first. Lol
Another very important issue. I know this might be tmi but Im going to take a vow of celibacy if my current “relationship” doesn’t work out. We will see how that pans out.
I also want to contribute more to the cause of green living in my own way. I plan to learn how to sew and make reusable shopping bags and tried to make them from thrifted material if possible.
So that is me going off on a tangent today. I hope to document all of my efforts.
God is love.