Monday, January 31, 2011

In love

I met a guy and he was wearing this. I wanted to keep his shirt but I had to settle for this. I'm buying this shirt asap!


Saturday, January 29, 2011



I tend to overreact. I'm a tad oversensitive. I totally had a mini melt down a couple of hours ago. But hey we all need to flip out a lil every once in a while to
keep ourselves sane. I have an unconventional relationship right now, but honestly none of my relationships with boys have ever been conventional or normal. I am quick to break up over spilled milk. This time, this guy seems to get me. He seems to understand my ticks. He's figured out how this watch tells time and he still wants to wear it. We have so much in common that it repels us at times but brings us back like a magnet. He is the only person that will tell me the truth when I have gone completely mad and still wants to kiss me after. I have never had someone look at me the way he does, even when I have on no makeup. He doesn't let me have my way all the time and let's me breath when I've fumed myself breathless. I love that when I see him, he's better than the time before. I hate that he can make me so mad but have me laughing five minutes later. Our situation is not ideal but he is my ideal boy. :)
I'm not naive. I'm happy. I just need to let myself be.

wooo saw..wooo saw


If anyone is wondering what happened to Project 365, it is on hold. I am not in possession of my camera at the moment. I will still try to post pics with my camera phone but it sucks. We will see.


Today is not my day! At all. I feel invisible.

I have been upset since this morning. I guess I could feel the inevitable downfall of the day.
I don't know what to do or feel, what to think or say.
My boyfriend and I have more problems that we can solve. I can see the unraveling like pulling at a loose string of a sweater and then there is nothing that you can do to stop the destruction. The descent into nothingness. We are becoming nothing. Our tone of voices have changed. It's not easy anymore. Things fall apart.
I feel like I have no control over my life right now. No say in what I can or can not do. I am a slave to my poverty. I am a slave to my destitution which was brought on by my own hand. I brought this on myself because I gave up hope. I let the house of cards tumble down around me. Now I am left all alone. Where is the King of Hearts now? Or even Jack? I must be the Joker. Definitely not a Ten.
I need to do something. I need to get out of this.
I need a place of my own where no one owns me.
I need to take back ownership of my life.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I dont give a fuck anymore!!
I am done!
I dont care.
Dont fucking stare.
i felt vulnerable.
It scared me.
lies scare me even more
and I can smell a lie a mile away
bassett hounds couldnt play me
im a ruiner.
i admit it.
fuck you!
fuck me
yes please
on second thought
fuck you
i taste the truth
and thats not your flavor
ill be sick tomorrow
but it wont mask the sorrow
the lies i have to borrow
fuck it
suck it
kiss me and make it all better
im a drunken fool
in love with you.
you piece of trash
but you're my treasure
you're my forever
see you in heaven
or as im looking down at hell
i really do wish you well
ring the bell
ring the alarm
leave grab marks on my arm
its a love tap
no baby thats a rap
love you to pieces
no literally
i want to rip YOU to pieces.
i love to pick a fight
in the end im always right
in the end im alone
i just didnt like your tone
please just pick up the phone
beep my message is too long.
my love was too strong
maybe i was just wrong

runaway fast as you can

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Sometimes I get you, Sometimes I don’t understand.
Sometimes I love you, Sometimes it's you I can't stand.
Sometimes I wanna hug you, Sometimes I wanna push you away.
Most times I wanna kiss you, Other times put you and every minute you start switching up
And you say things like, ‘ You don't give a fuck!'
Then I say, ‘I'm through with you.' Take my heart from you. And you come running after me, and, baby, I'm back with you.

You're not easy to love
You're not easy to love, no-oh
You’re not easy to love-
You’re not easy to love, no-oh

Why is everything, with you so complicated?
Why do you make it hard to love you-
While I ha---te it?
Cause if you really wanna be alone, I
Would throw my hands up cause baby I tried

This is exactly how I feel when it comes to the ex.


So, I am super excited about many things right now!!!!!!! I became more proactive and might just achieve some of my goals I talked about completing for 2011. 2011 is going to be my year people! This is just the beginning.

First, Project 365 is super hard. It's hard to find subjects when I never ever go anywhere. There are only so many pics that I can take of my cats or myself but it actually makes it more fun. It's also hard posting them every single day. I am getting better at it though. It's all about progress in 2011.

Also, I don't know if I have ever talked about this before but I dream of becoming a teacher. I want to be an elementary school teach and somehow incorporate music into that. I have almost completed the background process to a part time job working with elementary schools and children. This is so exciting for me. You have no idea! I get hands on training for my future career and I am getting paid!
This is amazing!!! I hope everything goes well with my background, and it should but I'm just crossing my fingers. I can't wait to post that I got the job.

Another goal I have for this year is to sing in front of an audience. I am going to have an actual solo performance in two weeks in front of a large audience!!! EEk!!! This is so major for me! It's actually going to be two performances. How awesome is that? I sang in front of my music class yesterday. I sang I Dreamed A Dream and I rocked that shit!!!! I am losing my shyness. I am so happy. I can't wait to go back to class next Saturday and start practicing.I will be singing Let's Stay Together and The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face for the Valentine's Day


Now this might be the most exciting thing on my plate right now! I opened my own seller account on Amazon about a week ago. I've already sold three books!! I had been planning to do this for a while now since I always see books dirt cheap at thrift stores, I saw a market there. I also have tons of school books that are just sitting in my closet. I had to take action. This is a great way to get some extra cash and maybe make something out of it! It also gives me an excuse to go thrifting. I love thrifting.
I am addicted.

You may ask why.....I ask why not?


Ramona Flowers

S Pictures, Images and Photos

I am obsessed with all things Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. The story, the music, the funnies, the EVERYTHING.
I think it is so funny and so cute. Kick-ass even. I want to read the graphic noviels now. I love its take on
love and heartache and insecurities. Not to mention, Sex Bob Omb music was done by Beck. Metric was Death at Deamonhead.
I adore the song Black Sheep. The song Ramona is so pretty. Garbage truck is so punk. I think the soundtrack
is awesome.
The one liners are just so on point. "if your life had a face....I would punch it."
Hilariously cool movie. I've seen it five times in a week.
I love the story. Sometimes you have to fight for what you love and sometimes what you love has a past but
if you love them you can look "past" it. Sometimes hearts get broken. Sometimes they don't. I like how it
shows male insecurity that does really exist. Should Knives have gotten Scott?

The music is stuck in my head.

Garbage Truck, Ramona, Black Sheep and on and on.
I also like the cover of By Your Side.

I've watched it 6 times now. I may have a problem.

I think everybody has their own Envy or Ramona and at some point in time been both without realizing it.
I heart this movie.

Saturday, January 22, 2011




Friday, January 21, 2011


I used to write poetry. I actually used to just cut words out of magazines and piece them together to create something new. #7 is a prime example of it.


Deep all the stars are
Who watch you make someone happy
Are thoughts read in his lips?
beauty then is a weakness
your saving face is heaven sent
leaving the moment hidden

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Day 2 of school and I'm already lost. I just don't feel prepared whatsoever. I just don't have any of the books and I'm struggling to find out when I am going to get them. Not such a great start. I am working it out though. Hopefully I can score a couple of the books online tonight and have them by next week. I also had to hit up the pops so he could get a couple for me. I may need to pawn my camera or Ipod. I just got this camera and I'm doing project 365 but hey, sacrifices right? It will all be worth it in the end right? If I pawn the Ipod I still have my camera phone, that could be fun. We will see if push comes to shove. I am also already dropping a class. I can't do it right now. I gotta set limits. We will see how day 3 of school goes. I m going to sleep early. I am exhausted. I really hope this job comes through. I need it.


p.s. Hey asshole, if I dont answer the first 5 times in a row that you call, dont call another 10 times one right after the other. You had your chance and ya blew it.
You lost one.
Suck it slow.


Yay? Nay?
I had to post a better pic of myself. I couldn't have people thinking I was Tyrone Biggums hispanic cousin. This isn't the best pic of me but it's real. I don't do too much to myself 'cept put a little war paint on and wash the hair once in a while or run a comb through it....just kidding.

This is my best damsel in distress I dont know why Im holding my arm up like that but I really like the picture so it's #6.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Grow Hair Grow!

Ugh my hair is growing at an earthworm pace. It's driving me nuts. I feel like a soccer mom with my hair the way it is
right now. I can only fantasize about the hair I want but I want it now!!!!!!

My greatest and first inspiration.
Damn you Natalie were perfect before you were born.


This hairstyle is so fucking cool but so diffucult to pull off. Here goes nothing.

Dear Hair,

Please hurry the F up and grow.


Your head



A phallic representation of power and greatness. I either need a better camera or better subjects. I had to take this quick shot as we were driving by on the freeway. The pictures will get better. I promise. This is hard.

Saturday, January 15, 2011



This is me after a night of heavy partying and drinking...the day after at about 5pm. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder right?? hhahahahahaha. I love my lil beanie because it hides my bad hair. The background is not fake, my walls are really painted that color. Hideous right??? I really need to repaint. I really need to step my 365 game up too. I just feel under the weather so what you see is what you get for picture #3.


Introducing......the beautiful Apollonia


Thursday, January 13, 2011


Wow this is gonna be either really fun or really hard.

For my first picture of the 365 project, I'm showcasing my handsome lil prince that I just love to pieces. Yes, his name is Prince, he is named after the "Prince". I have a female cat as well and her name is Appollonia.



Monday, January 10, 2011


I so regret missing this episode on Saturday. I was at a bar and it was on tv but I couldnt hear it. It still looked absolutely hilarious.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Social Network

I deactivated my Facebook acct and watched "the facebook movie" on the same day. It was a coincidence I guess but I haven't looked back. When I do look back Im kinda disappointed in myself. I was sharing my life with people that I didn't even know. I had over 200 friends but in real life it's more like four or five. I felt like I was being so vain and superficial. The more people ask me why I did it the more I want to stay away. I'm receiving texts from "concerned" friends asking if I'm all right. It's really not that serious people. Maybe it is. One person said that's the way that they stay in touch with people, through Facebook. Wow. Really? I'm not trying to bash anybody or Facebook but I mean at this point in time, it's just not for me. I don't want to be that accessible and easy to find. My blog isnt easy to find at all. It can only be found by luck or by me actually telling you where to look but you are lucky if I tell you. I dont want to be a part of the social network anymore. It's like being a part of the Matrix. It's not real.

On the other hand, I thought the movie was fun. It was pretty freaking awesome. Awards are in that movies future. I really enjoyed the movie, I just dont want to be a part of it.

I dont think I need 500,000,000 friends either.

Social Network Poster Pictures, Images and Photos

Thursday, January 6, 2011

It begins.

Im starting two new projects that Im really excited about and I'm searching for some volunteering opportunities.

Project One: Youtube Channel.

Im going to start singing and recording videos. Its the first step to singing in front of an audience. It's a huge step considering it's freaking YouTube but this is where I'm going to start. At least one new song a week I am aiming to upload. Hopefully after a while it will be my own songs as I get better with writing and piano. It's mainly to lose that stage fright and get better.

Project Two: 365. Project 365.

It's photography thing. A lot of people do it. It seems easy but as time goes by you really have to get creative. 365 unique pictures daily is gonna be hard but I need more challenges in my life. This is all part of my quest. I hope I am up for the task. I can't start until I get my new camera, which will be the 8th. I'm so glad that when I purchased my camera in July I also purchased an extended warranty. The camera was a piece of crap. I finally took it back for repairs a couple days before Christmas. Good idea and bad idea. Bad idea: I had no camera during the holiday season so I didn't get to take any pictures. Good idea: It was not fixable so they offered me a replacement and I picked a Nikon this time instead of a Fuji. I also got to keep the warranty because I didn't break it myself, its just a piece of shit. Thats another good perk about it. I also need to pick up my manual camera (uses real film) from my friend. I am going to be taking a lot of pictures this year. Now what am I going to do with the charger and batteries to my old camera?


This is something that I have been thinking about for a while. I am trying to step outside of my selfishness and try to contribute to the world in some way. I feel so self-involved sometimes. We live in such a ME ME ME society. Im guilty of it and I want to make some changes. There is a shelter for teenagers a block from my house. I dont know why I never thought to volunteer there but it just came to me last night so I went onto their website and they definitely need help. There are a few requirements so I have to do that first so let's just see how this unfolds. Plus it will definitely give me experience for when I become a teacher. Double score.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Master Class : Jay Z

This is part one. I highly recommend watching all of it.

Mr. West

Monday, January 3, 2011


I started off the year on the right foot. Black Swan was magnificently terrifying. I loved it. I want to make time for films. Films that have meaning. Films that have substance. I need to be moved. Move me.

Another Year

The Tree of Life

Blue Valentine


Never Let Me Go

Is there a theme in the films that I am wanting to see?

It's a beautiful thing...

I love the new direction in music and the way we receive it. It's the beginning of a whole new era.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

mindfuck: an idea or concept that shakes one's previously held beliefs or assumptions about the nature of reality.

The Black Swan: mindfuck.

black swan Pictures, Images and Photos