melancholy

Today is not my day! At all. I feel invisible.

I have been upset since this morning. I guess I could feel the inevitable downfall of the day.
I don't know what to do or feel, what to think or say.
My boyfriend and I have more problems that we can solve. I can see the unraveling like pulling at a loose string of a sweater and then there is nothing that you can do to stop the destruction. The descent into nothingness. We are becoming nothing. Our tone of voices have changed. It's not easy anymore. Things fall apart.
I feel like I have no control over my life right now. No say in what I can or can not do. I am a slave to my poverty. I am a slave to my destitution which was brought on by my own hand. I brought this on myself because I gave up hope. I let the house of cards tumble down around me. Now I am left all alone. Where is the King of Hearts now? Or even Jack? I must be the Joker. Definitely not a Ten.
I need to do something. I need to get out of this.
I need a place of my own where no one owns me.
I need to take back ownership of my life.