KIMI

so, I japanimated myself. Yes, it was all by accident but proved to be a very fun little activity for my and my friend Omari. I had a picture and I started playing around in photoshop. Voila! Kimi was born! I sent the pic to Omari and he asked me what my anime name was...I was like hmm? I dont know. I also didnt know that the anime names have meanings and so on and so forth. I looked through a list and found the perfect name for myself. Kimi. Kimi means "she who is without equal". Pretty cool I thought. Then I proceeded to give Omari a name but thats our lil secret. :)




And no I didnt grow hair overnight, Im wearing a wig I bought about two months ago that I only wear in the confines of my bedroom. I feel like a little sexpot when I wear it. I like the real me better.

The Road To Recovery

Is a long and winding one.

"the life of strain is diffucult. The life of inner peace--a life that comes from a positive
attitude--is the easiest type of existence." Norman Vincent Peale

THATS ME IN THE CORNER, THATS ME IN THE SPOTLIGHT

This blog entry was started last week. It was going to be a much darker post than it is now
going to be. This post was before I started the pills. Darker days. Days are still dark but
thiny pinholes of light are starting to shine through. Hope never dies.....I hope.
"Three things will last forever--faith, HOPE, and love." Corinthians 13:13

Its weird how I chose this title for my post based on my favorite song that I played
while I was getting ready for an art/poetry show. I had a whole little story all
planned out but as we all know, nothing ever goes according to plan. Its weird how
I took a picture of me in the corner seat at a bar,.......... losing my religion?
Maybe not losing my religion but Im tired of bars. Maybe Im finding my religion?

Runaway fast as you can..........

Loving this song. :)
Its mine....all mine.

Its the small stuff.

That makes you happy. I need happiness in my life right now.
This tiny headband with little dots of silver sunshine
just makes me feel pretty. Im trying to grow my hair out and
I need all the distractions from that awkward stage that my hair
will soon be in.

A DAY IN THE LIFE

I am fighting horrible anxiety. Its getting worse and worse by day but I
continue to avoid medication. I keep thinking that I can self medicate and
everything will be fine. Not working. On my nightstand is the orange bottle with
the white label. TAKE TWICE DAILY.......FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Meds are
only a temporary fix but I dont want to become dependant. Im still battling
the first pill. :( Its not like Im going to take this pill and no longer be
in the Matrix. I feel I will actually be in the Matrix. I will be another
zombie who doesnt know why they are smiling or frowning. Maybe I am over-analyzing but
hey, thats what we anxious folk do. I need to figure something out. Soon.
I cant continue life in fear. I want to live...but at what cost?

I have been listening to Kanye's new song Runaway on repeat. Its melancholy
verses, beat and solo piano have me in a trance that I dont want escape.
I can feel it. The song encapsulates my moment in life right now.

I need something....I just dont know what.

I feel

I feel too much.
I feel too little.
I am becoming numb.
Becoming dumb.
I cant.
I wont.
I shant.
I dont.
Dreams become nightmares.
Glances become long stares.
Love is replaced by hate.
Hate is so very commonplace.
I feel you dont see me.
I see you dont feel me.
Break my spirit break my heart.
It was never you, it was me from the start.
I feel this is over.
Im waiting for it to begin.

A Metaphor for what????

I took this photo during one of my bike rides. Its looks so sad to me.
I feel like a poem is necessary.
Hydrant
You are pouring your soul to me
But I cant hear you.
I cant help you.
No containment is available.
You are bleeding out on to the street.
Wasting away
Wasting away

Bike Ride with Pride

I started riding my bike. Im so happy. I got it all together as you can see from
the pic. I have my helmet and my attire. LOL Jk. I dont know why I wore that shirt.
It was hot as heck! I biked 4 miles. I was dying. I had to take several breaks but I did it.
I am trying to go bike riding everyday. Ive had some distractions but I will be back on it
tomorrow. Plus, I have a lot of errands to run. Im also very excited that my
school is providing free transportation through DART(DALLAS AREA RAPID TRANSIT).
I can ride the train and bus for free at anytime. Great to save money and its also
good for the environment. Its a win win for everyone. :)

School Daze......

even Kitty is pooped out from all the homework. Seems like I never finish
my homework,





My outfit for the first day of school. I have been going much more relaxed since but the first day I wanted to go
just a lil mod.


I want to have this dress shortened. I wish I had a full length pic of the dress but I had
no one to take it for me. Next time that I wear it, I will.
and here it is in color.

I quit my job just so that I could go to school full time. This is what I wanted right?????
I'm now in week three of school. I started all over again, but that is for another
post. I feel like a kid again. I really regret not taking school seriously before and
wasting so much time. Better late than never but never late is better.
Im just glad I got a second chance and I am going to take full advantage.
As for work, Im taking my time on that. No sense in rushing the inevitable.
Plus I dont want to just take any job and lose focus on school. I have also decided to become more active
in school. I joined the environmental club. It is something I am passionate about
so why not combine the two. At the orientation we were given little gifts
to choose from. I chose this cute little lady bug made from recycled items.
Isn't it cute?


Im excited about the club. I know are going to make some great contributions
and bring awareness.