I am fighting horrible anxiety. Its getting worse and worse by day but I
continue to avoid medication. I keep thinking that I can self medicate and
everything will be fine. Not working. On my nightstand is the orange bottle with
the white label. TAKE TWICE DAILY.......FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Meds are
only a temporary fix but I dont want to become dependant. Im still battling
the first pill. :( Its not like Im going to take this pill and no longer be
in the Matrix. I feel I will actually be in the Matrix. I will be another
zombie who doesnt know why they are smiling or frowning. Maybe I am over-analyzing but
hey, thats what we anxious folk do. I need to figure something out. Soon.
I cant continue life in fear. I want to live...but at what cost?
I have been listening to Kanye's new song Runaway on repeat. Its melancholy
verses, beat and solo piano have me in a trance that I dont want escape.
I can feel it. The song encapsulates my moment in life right now.
I need something....I just dont know what.